Back again...but lost
Im Dana. Im 17 and I have a huge problem with shooting heroin and cocaine. In May of this year I was arrested for possesion of heroin and paraphanelia. I spent three weeks in jail and thought I was done. I remember walking out of there thinking I was never going back there again. I was released on ankle braclet and had that thing on for a month. Then I was placed on intense probation. I have to drop UA's twice a week and my probation officer checks in with me throughout the week. On top of that I have a servalince officer. I was actually doing really well. I went to local NA and AA meetings every night. Got a sponsor, did step work, got involved in service, and even prayed. However after 100 days I started drinking again. The following weekend I started smoking heroin again and the week after that I was shooting up. I was doing alright only doing it on the weekends then slipped up dropped dirty, but my PO gave me another chance. My parents took my car but I got it back after a month. I stayed clean for that month, but a day after I got my car back I was back with my boyfriend (who also speedballs) and shooting heroin. This is when I really scared myself I didn't think i could stop. I was loving it. Well this past weekend I went crazy. I was shooting coke and heroin non stop. I couldn't stop. i swear if i wasn't standing up I would have died. but i made it through. I came home and my mother knew I was back doing the same old ****. They took my car (which I think is a good thing) and told me i could leave if I wanted to get high. But the weirdest thing happend I didn't want to . I was scared and right now I feel so alone. I want to leave and not feel like this. And for anyone who loves speedballs as much as I do knows that magical feeling that makes everything seem alright. I want that feeling. I want to feel better. But I haven't left Im going to a meeting tonight but all I want right now is that feeling. Im scared. i dont know if this program is going to work for me. Does anyon have any advice. Please help.