Partner resents me...help! :(
My bf was a lifelong opiate addict, and he was clean for most of the past year, which was the longest he'd ever gone since he got addicted. I was so proud of him. However, his cravings got the best of him one day last week, and he badgered me for hours about how I need to be ok with him doing some hydros. He hurt me so much when he was strung out, and I have expressed so many times that I want nothing to do with this drug.
He said he wants to be free to do some now and then without worrying about me leaving him for using once. He said if I will leave that easily then my love is superficial and that it is selfish of me to give him an ultimatum. He said I was the reason that he quit (I'd never heard him say that before) and so I should be willing to compromise now. So I finally told him it's not like I would automatically break up with him for doing it one time. I was also trying to convince myself of this. I feel too strongly about his drug use now to be around it for long and have told him so.
That day, I finally gave in about the hydros though...he said he just needed to get it out of his system and in return for me trusting him he would try extra hard to be nice and not let the drug make him act like a jerk toward me. I have been wanting some more positive attention from him, so he got me there. I wouldn't say he followed through like expected, but he wasn't mean for the most part, and I was relieved about that.
A few days later, he told me they weren't nearly as good as he remembered them and that he was glad he got that out of his system. He said he thought he was outgrowing them. Of all the promises he's made and things he's claimed about drugs, this was the one I fully believed because I had never heard him talk like that before. I had some unexpected hope that for once felt genuine.
It's now a week after he did the pills, and he actually told me today he was looking for hydros! I told him I was surprised he was interested again, and he got mad at me for implying that I was back to not being ok with it. He never got any and has been acting irritable toward me all day, and it's very obvious that he resents me for having a problem with it. We can't even talk on the phone right now without it being really uncomfortable. I've been crying a lot today, and he hasn't apologized like he normally would, and he probably won't. Maybe everything will be ok tomorrow, but I bet we'll have the same argument over and over.
How do you deal with your loved one resenting you?