I thought I was the only one! I thought my AH was just a negative person and somehow I deserved it (amazing, before I met my AH, this is NOT something I would have said). Thank you all for clearing that up - it helps to know it's not just me!!
I'm so terribly confused. I want the insanity to end, but I don't know how. I was raised that divorce is not an option, but now I don't know what to think. Part of me is ashamed that I can't make my marriage work - we've been married for 2 years and have been struggling that whole time, but part of me wants a "real" life. I feel guilty for making my AH move out - you know the song and dance...he doesn't have anyone but me. In a few years I'm going to want to have kids - not something I would do in our current situation and - if history is any indication - I don't know if things are ever going to change. I believe in my heart that my AH is going to sober up - at the very least, I know that he will either sober up or die. One way or another, he doesn't have a choice. My choice is how much longer am I willing to wait for him to sort out his alcoholism. I just don't know. Rationally, I should have left a long time ago. But, I'm still here. Still trying to figure it out....