I have always prided myself on my intellectual achievements such as getting a 4.0 in high school and college, getting into law school, and always enjoying reading and writing. I always felt that education was priceless and that the more educated I became the happier I would be and the better types of people I would attract.
We all know that addiction does not discriminate and not only did I end up being an addict, but I surrounded myself with other addicts. Luckily, I kept up my grade and got into law school despite my addiction, but I never realized that I was surrounding myself with the wrong type of people and doing the exact opposite of what I had intended. I wasn't surrounding myself with like-minded people and therefore I was putting myself in unsafe situations and compromising my future and my life was becoming harder and harder. Every codie knows dealing with one addict causes our lives to spin out of control, now imagine only being surrounded by addicts!
As I continued to surround myself with the wrong people and the more I worked to make those people happy (addicts are the most needy people on earth). I soon found myself miserable and in a deep depression. I spent all my time trying to please the same friends that were compromising my future. I stopped taking care of myself, lost my motivation for school, and just felt like a zombie going through the motions. No matter how hard I tried to please everyone, no matter how much I ran around, no matter how many hours I spent on the phone these people were still unhappy and telling me I wasn't a good friend because I wasn't dedicated enough.
Fast forward to now! I am in recovery and I have eliminated all of those friends that had been sucking me dry. I changed my phone number and moved 12 hours away to go to law school and left all of those people back there. I have been working EXTREMELY hard at making ME time. I am putting myself first and making sure that my needs are met before I even contemplate doing something for someone else.
Also, I have been VERY careful with who I become friends with. I know that being a codie I tend to gravitate towards the person that I needy or clingy and therefore I have made myself really analyze why I was becoming friends with someone and if they were a good fit for me. Although thinking so much about who I become friends with might seem a little crazy, I have learned that in order to be healthy I need to take a step back and protect myself by putting the extra effort into who I let into my life.
Lastly, I have set time aside for myself every morning to get ready. Before I would roll out of bed and run out the door feeling like crap about myself. Now I wake up pick out a nice outfit, do my hair and make up. I can't describe what a difference getting ready in the morning has made to my mental health. When I walk out the door feeling pretty my entire mood is different and I feel confident. I no longer push my needs aside and getting ready in the morning helps me make sure that I am taking care of myself. I have even started getting my nails done again because it helps me feel good about myself. Although it might seem a little vain to worry about doing hair make up and nails..the fact that I get ready for ME and not for anyone else is a positive change in thinking for me. Also, we need to put our needs first and if getting ready helps put me in a positive mood and make me feel confident then I don't care how vain it may seem to others haha.
Sorry this post is so long! It feels good to sit down and think about how far I have come. Sure is a bunch more work I need to do to get myself as healthy emotionally and physically as I can, every step forward is something to celebrate.
Hope everyone has a great Saturday! Do something that makes YOU happy and don't forget we have all come so far!