Hi Veronica....I think we can all relate to everything you said. It's like the negativity and everything that comes with the disease becomes such a part of your life, you don't even realize that it's not normal. I'm in the sam place you are - I've told my husband to leave at least twice now, but he's still here. I told him again last week? that either he stopped drinking or I was getting divorce - he's still drinking. He's cut back enormously, and i know he thinks that since we've been getting along, it will be fine. I'm slowly getting to that place where I know I deserve better, and I know there is better out there. I feel for you - I am all too familiar with saying something off hand or commenting, and having it turned around and feeling like I can't even speak without analyzing every word I say or how I'm going to say it... ugh! I'm sorry sweetie..the real you is in there, she will come out when she's ready!!