So helpless
I feel like I will never stop using. I am currently addicted to synthetic marijuana but that is just the most current addiction. I've been an addict for over 7 years, addicted to a little bit of everything. I live with a boyfriend whom I support, and who is the worst enabler ever. Everytime I wake up I have my 7h right in front of me. He says anytime I'm sober I'm bitchy and kick him out of the house, so he can only deal with me high. I hate myself, I've gained 40 pounds in the past year, somehow have managed to graduate college (probably because I only leave my bed to go to school and the one or two days a week I work)
I want to stop I hate myself but I can't get past the first day, I always give in. The withdrawals are like something I've never felt, I've been growing up 3-4 times a day for the past 5 weeks (until I get out of school and can get my fix) my body is in PAIN around my kidneys like I've never felt (and I've had a kidney stone) and I've been coughing up a lung for months.
How in the world will I ever make it through a day without smoking? Cocaine, Xanax, meth, oxys, acid, and hydros have absolutely nothing on the addictiveness of synthetic marijuana. ALL I WANT TO DO IS LAY IN BED, WATCH TV, & SMOKE. Will I ever have a life again?