shinebright7

Peacedove - Some of the things that my husband has done have been very intentional and well-thought out too.

The other day he intentionally broke into our home using a lock smith because he was desperate to see me. I had kicked him out several days earlier and taken his house key.

So in an emotionally desperate state, he had a key made by a locksmith and then he hid out in the apartment while I was in the city at a wedding reception knowing that I would come home eventually and then he would finally be able to see me again.

Then...while he was already in the house, he was texting me, asking if he could see me that night and telling me he loved me.

He already knew he was going to see me tonight, (because he's in the house and eventually I will come home) and yet he's asking if he can see me knowing full well that I won't even have a choice.

This was his addictive mind in action. Tricking. Deceiving. Scheming.

I, not knowing that he was in our apartment, texted him back saying we could talk about getting together later tonight when I got back to the suburbs.

Little did I realize at the time that he was manipulating me and planned the whole thing out.

He even carried his shoes up from the bottom of the stairs so that when I walked in from the garage, I wouldn't see them down there with the other shoes and know that he was in the house again.

It was *that* well planned out. And when I called him out on it, he admitted that he had already planned this out a long time before he did it.

People who don't suffer from addiction don't do that to people they love.

Manipulation is one of the symptoms of my husband's addiction.

With the continued grace of God, I may cease to be surprised by it.

Rather, I can know that this is one of the symptoms of his condition and I can take care of myself knowing that I may on occasion be exposed to it.

And in the meantime, I can have compassion for my husband because I know that he is a child of God, he loves me tremendously, and deep down he does not want to be hurting me and putting me through crap.

The fact that "he" continues to manipulate me points to the fact that it is not my husband. It is the beast doing the manipulation.

My husband, from my perspective, is helpless to this beast.

This is what Step 1 is about:

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/addiction. That our lives had become unmanageable.

He is powerless over this beast living in him. I am powerless over it also.

The shadow of addiction, the beast of addiction, has him right now and it is covering up his LIGHT.

But, I choose to believe and remember that his Light is there.

It seems like my husband should see the difference between right and wrong -- he's a grown man, after all!

But when the shadow of addiction is cast over him, he is not capable in that moment. He is powerless.

With my Higher Power's continuous help, I will stop taking the symptoms of my husband's condition personally.

These concepts are definitely hard to accept intellectually -- I struggled with that too. That's why the steps are so important, I think.

They help take me out of my mind and into a SPIRITUAL SOLUTION so that I can receive help and guidance and wisdom from my Higher Power.

Are you attending Al Anon, PeaceDove? If so, have you considered getting a sponsor to help guide you through the 12 steps?

I read in some of the materials that our willingness to reach out for help can be seen as one of our greatest character assets (when we're doing our inventory for step 4)...

So I just wanted to acknowledge that willingness in you and me and Beav's dad and ALLFOR and all those reading and those here on SR...because we've done something to help ourselves and that's a BIG DEAL!

Big hug,

ShineBright