Yes, thank you ALLFOR. The fact that I would never think that my controlling, crying, pleading, and hoping could fix cancer if that were in my husband does help me realize that I can't do it with the addiction either. And how hopeless and foolish it is to try. Like trying to use my will power to make it stop raining.
All I can do is make sure I'm taking the best care of myself that I can so that I can continue to live my life and I can continue to be there in healthy ways for my husband as he goes through what he is going through.
I keep kind of pinching myself to see "do I still feel the same way? or was it just a fleeting moment of clarity this whole thing I'm talking about?"
So far, it's still my experience. One moment at a time, we'll see if I continue to enjoy this new clarity, understanding, compassion and return to sanity. Thanks for your reply! xo