Originally Posted by
Pelican 
What helped me heal from the pain of my relationship to my alcoholic was something I learned here at SR: I had to remove myself as the victim of his actions.
I did that by accepting this reality: He wasn't doing these things TO ME; he was doing these things FOR HIMSELF. (I was never the consideration ~ it was all about him)
Yup, often we are nothing more than collateral damage.
Incredible as it may seem, most of the time we are the furthest thing from their minds when they are rolling along in their steamroller fashion.
Actually, one of the things I discovered is that, much to my initial chagrin (but eventual relief), MOST people do not spend NEARLY the amount of time thinking about me that I thought they did. Realizing that saved me a whole lot of time and energy analyzing why so-and-so did or said something that hurt my feelings. Ninety-five percent of the time it isn't about me at all.