Welcome to SR! Your post made me - as I'm sure everyone here can relate too - feel so badly for you because I've been there. We all know what it's like to feel helpless as we watch our loved ones in the grip of addiction. And you're right - they have no idea what we go through. The nature of addiction is selfishness - it is all about the addict. You will find so much support and advice here! I feel like it has helped me regain my sanity.
And Al Anon is a wonderful thing! Take care of you. Cecilia said it is a great feeling - and it is! It is empowering, and after all - you are the only person you can control. Once I got that I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't change it through my head I could begin to focus on making myself healthy.
Stay strong, and keep your head up! We're all rooting for ya!