Well....I told him if he wasn't there by 7:15 a.m. I was going to take our daughter to the sitters. He said, "Why? OK...Whatever." Predictable.
He ended up at the bar tonight. I'm assuming he won't be at the house in the morning so i asked my Uncle to watch my daughter, just in case. If I don't call him then I don't need him. We'll see. (My sitter said I could pay her when I have the money. She'd rather see my daughter and son safe than get paid - she's awesome!)
The history of his "drinking" is he will wake up in the morning and want a drink to kill his hangover. Then continue to drink throughout the day until he passes out. If I think he's going to be drinking, he will not watch our daughter. In the past he has passed out and had her sleeping next to him. She's older now, if he passes out, she'll basically be left alone, running all over the apartment getting into god only knows what. I'm not chancing that. I think I will tell him that if he's going to be drinking to let me know so I can find someone else to watch her. But do you really think he'd tell me that??
I realize now that I'M not keeping him from the kids. I have no reason to feel guilty when I don't allow him to watch her/them when I know he's drinking. I'm doing what I have to do protect my kids and it's his choice to drink... knowing he will not see them if he is. I'm not the cause of his actions. If he wants to drink, so be it. I'm not going to let it negatively effect me. I will continue to go forward.