Drunk people don't always realize how different their personalities are under the influence vs. not. Your reality is your reality, I guess, whatever the influence.
A couple times when my gf was drunk and belligerent I just told myself I'm not even interacting with the person I know, and it's kind of true. I just want to say "talk to me when you're back."
Your man sounds pretty troubled right now. Long shot, but maybe when he's in an agreeable mood, you can talk him into a six week trial of antabuse just so he can't "escape" for a few weeks. Good luck. p.s. my gf is going back on antabuse, she says it's one of the only times she was able to be sober for 6 months in a row.