Hello everyone! I'm an addict and well aware of it. My story, in a nutshell...I am 37 and started drinking in my early 20's. I also battled with xanax addiction in my teens, but conquered that with much struggle @ 24. I was able to drink socially for years, but by 33 I had to face that I had became a binge drinker. I could go days, even weeks without a drink but once I started, it was a least 12+. So... I quit drinking for 3+ years. I loved my sobriety!
Fast forward to last year when my husband and I separated and I was diagnosed with some serious back problems. I went back to my old friend, alcohol. For a while, it was manageable. My husband and I rejoined and he was also drinking heavily. We were making it work, but struggling with hangover days and the like. It grew (as it always does) and around August we threw cocaine into the mix. Once again, NEVER a daily user/drinker but a serious bender. It has currently snowballed (no pun intended) to where when I drink, it lasts for days. When I drink, I crave coke. When I am sober, I just don't want it all (for which I feel thankful for!) and I am letting my life's responsibilities slip by.
I know i have the strength to quit, but I worry about my husband and I find myself in a deep depression lately. I have not had a drink since Saturday and I am feeling pretty strong about not wanting one. I know however that I need support to get through it this time. Feeling pretty alone most of the time and feeling like a failure for having relapsed so badly. My hangovers now are devastating and they last for days.
I've been lurking here for a while and I see so much positivity and support here... I really hope I can find that sense of community and non-judgement that I so crave to pull out of this funk.
Much loves...