I have not visited these forums in quite a while but some of you may still remember me...for those who don't know me, a little background info on me.
I first found these forums deep into a 4 year opiate addiction. Like many of you, I was lost without even a clue which direction to go into. I felt like I had tried every possible method to maintain sobriety but they all failed. This forum became my sole support system in the beginning. For a while it worked and I felt like I had finally beaten this terrible affliction.
Like some of you may know, recovery is a journey and there can be setbacks. I found myself using with a fellow member of this forum. We thought we could conquer the mental addiction and just use once every 4 days. Hah! You all know how well that works. Like clockwork I found myself back at square one. A raging habit that was supported by dealing drugs to others.
My moment of clarity came when my own family tried to get me arrested. I was furious , telling them they didn't love me. How could they love me if they were trying to get put behind bars for felony drug charges? My mother simply told me "It was the only thing I could think of to get you to stop destroying yourself and this family, I do not regret it and wish it would have worked"
Don't ask me why that was the one thing that resonated with me but it did. Soon after I started seeing an addiction specialist twice a week to help me learn how to function without the crutch of opiates. I won't lie, it was very tough. I really got used to listening to my own voice and taking everybody else's opinions with a grain of salt. I totally put my life into this strangers hands and let him make EVERY decision in my life for almost a year. It was necessary, I couldn't trust myself to make the right decisions anymore.
On April 19th of 2013 I celebrated my 3rd year drug free and I am finally happy. I no longer confuse pleasure with happiness. I realize sometimes I will cry, sometimes I will be moody and angry, and that is okay. I have great people in my life who genuinely care about me, the person, and are not just trying to take advantage of me in one way or another.
I am not very good with inspirational messages or motivation (can't you tell already by this post? Hah) but I do want to tell the newcomers and members who are still struggling that it CAN get better. You can be content without drugs in your everyday life. No matter how bad or hopeless you may feel....it's never to late to change and turn it all around! Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
That's all I got, thanks for reading this. And a special thanks to a few friends who helped me out tremendously along the way : Felicia, Matty, Rachel, Layna and Ian.
I know I still have a lot to learn about recovery and am no way out of the woods but life is good
