Red,
Thank you. You are right. She is my drug, I have come to recognize it and it is a managed relationship, at best. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, yet often i need to see the pattern/past and accept it. I am working on it. I am so thankful I won in court. It seems to me control and ownership of my kids is paramount to her. I had refused to let her see them "one last time" for good-bye because I would never put them through that. From our conversations last week, I believed she was willing to have a more casual relationship with them, ie. see them every few weeks, like as a family friend. I know now that isn't possible.
Her anger at me for trying to take time to think this through before deciding anything is typical. I just got an email this morning:
U think I'm stupid... your best friend talked u into stealing my kids from me so u can play house with her. I pray every day to see justice in this life. Ur hands r more dirty than hers. My innocent kids r left with u two...that totally lack in moral character... U believe if ur not caught its OK to steal and lie to get what u want. My kids r left to the wolf in sheep clothing and her pack. U'll see their love will turn on u for taking them from me. U lie to urself... Ask Mary (the old babysitter) how many times u told her not to let me see the kids. U lived to hurt me. U got one more feeding off my hurt..ur one last f*ck to f*ck with my head giving me false hope of us being a family. I loved u...again u played me. I'm such a fool...not anymore