day 1....again
tried to quite drinking many times, but usually only last for a few days, once the paranoia and fear have worn off i get back on it again! this is the first time i feel really serious about quitting, although i feel quite anxious, scared, and strangely a little excited about it. i'm 32 now, and if i'm honest have been drinking heavily since i was 16, so half my life so far has been consumed by boozing, that is a scary thing to write down! drinking has cost me relationships, jobs, and really strained things with family and friends at times. I've physically injured myself, lost/gave away valuable items, gambled huge amounts of money, had unprotected sex and taken drugs while on drinking binges, and have had the feeling for a few months that i'm getting close to something really serious happening when drunk. I realise that i'm drinking because of depression as my life isn't going the way i want at the moment, but all of these things are caused by alcohol. Pretty much all the bad decisions made, and bad things that have happened to me are all connected to drinking. I've never had the drinking every day, shakes type of problem and can go a couple of weeks without a drink so don't think i'll have physical withdrawal issues? But probably have 1 or 2 really heavy nights per week when i cant seem to stop until i get totally blackout trashed and almost physically cant drink anymore. I'm really worried as all my friends, family and coworkers drink and my profession (i work in the gambling industry) is really caught up with drinking. I know this is going to be so hard, but I just cant keep repeating the same behaviour any longer, 16 years is enough, but this is frightening as i almost feel defined by drink!