Jimjim, good luck with th AA. I worry about your dark thoughts, when life might be better just around the corner. Sobriety is never a barrel of laughs at the beginning, and unfortunately, real life doesn't put it's sh!t on hold until we are strong enough to deal. But I promise you sweetheart, that once those early ugly weeks are passed, the sudden surges of emotion begin to come under some semblance of control, and suddenly, there is a future and it doesn't look as dark. I wish you well. Pm me if you want.