JimJim

Hey,

Since the join date on my avatar I have attempted to confront my problem with alcohol. Everyday since then I have tried not to drink. I have been a couple of weeks off the booze here and there even a month in October, but yet can not quit the soup.

I've I have pissed away a whole year. I'm really finding it tough to let go of the past events of the last couple of years. If I quit for a day, I go to bed wishing I was dead, on that night, the prospect of entering a non conscious, non feeling state is what probably gets me to sleep. I'm struggling with the feeling of regret and finding it hard to move forward. The last month has consisted of all day drinking and waiting for the supermarket to open at 6am so I can get numb again.

I am not going to cut my thoughts anymore. I have been thinkng that stockpiling sleeping pills will be a solution to this problem. I'm not a happy boy at all. I struggle to find any spirit. I believe I can be happy and so I carry on in this seemingly miserable existence.

I don't think I can wait for the magic happy fairy any longer though. What to do man? I have had so much good advice from you folks in the past, I think it's all down to me though in the end, I just want to be around spewing my thoughts ya' know?

I'm going to an AA meeting in an hour, I'll have to try not to cry if I look someone in the eyes or talk, at least I will be stepping forth.