Awesome to hear you're feeling and thinking you have been understood, Vic.
There really are so many different ways to talk about addiction ambivalence when we get into our own personal experiences. There are also so many choices ahead, all workable, on how to sustain your quitting experience. Whatever works, works. And what doesn't, doesn't.
We're all here to build ourselves a new opportunity, hopefully something that we wouldn't have if we didn't bother to care enough about ourselves.
Even at 30+ years, I'm still open minded enough to know change is the key to unlocking everything that is good about any of us. I'm still in a flux of ongoing changes and I always will be, because that is my choice to be in constant change. Yeah, I am recovered, still though, a quality life is what I'm always wanting more of, and not simply more sobriety.
It's good to hear you talk about chicken soup. Awesomely good.