Volunteering was my answer Vic - it may not be yours if its so hard to get into the areas that would interest you.
I think there's always probably less attractive volunteering around - soup kitchens, working with disabled folks, hospital visiting...but thats not for everyone.
(sudden idea: Academia may not be as you and I remember it but many unis offer free online courses and classwork now - no degrees, naturally... but that was never what I was looking for anyway...I expect you're the same?
maybe it's worth looking into?
https://www.coursera.org/unimelb)
I'm sorry for your troubles and for your tragedies - and they're just as real and just as painful as anyone else's here.
I had my share too - no need for me to recount them - but one thing I learned is drinking kept me there...for years after.
Instead of dealing with my past, and moving on, I relived it over and over again.
I was deathly afraid of facing my past - but the pain I felt when I actually did that was nowhere near the fear and pain I felt not wanting to face it, if that makes sense....
Again this is my life I talking about - but I think it's true of all of us - if we want to get to somewhere else, we need to look at whats tethering us to the spot.
I really hope you decide to do that Vic.
It takes courage and it takes strength - but you're not alone here....there's several hundred hands to help
D