Which way is up?
I am new here and really need some wisdom. I am married to a good man and am lucky enough to have a wonderful child. I have the career I always dreamed about but I decided to check out 3 years ago. I have lived the last few years half alive. I have been sober 1 week and can not stop the feeling of impending doom. I am realizing the gravity of what I have done and fear that the damage I have caused is permanent. I was never the type of drunk that made loud scenes or lost total control of things I simply lived a numb life and have in turn damaged my connection to everyone. My biggest fear is losing my family. My husband says that he still loves me. We do not connect like we did. I feel lonely all the time. Is the best thing for me to do stay here and try to rebuild or get away and resolve this chaos on my own. I can not dream of life without him but I do not want to be the broken one who let the darkness into our home either. Is there hope? Has anyone lived through this? I am working each day not to hate who I have become and try and be the person I know that I truly am. I can not wait until I am able to smile with a true sense of joy again. help