That would have been a tough one for me, too. Even being sober for many years. Like Scott said, I would have had them take a cab. I would have been the Debbie (Donny?) Downer. It might be tough in the moment, but the payoff I get from skipping those activities is tremendous. I stay sober, and have a joy and event filled life.
While not quite the same, your story kicked in a memory from a couple of years ago. I'm a musician, and we played a show in a well known motel one holiday weekend in LI. When we finished the show, the guys went on partying at the bar. I left, went back to our room, and climbed into bed. About a half an hour later the party spilled into the room. The band and several women. Wasted. This was my scene... can't tell you how much I wanted to be a part of it, yet I don't do it well unless I'm in the same condition as they were. Not to mention I was engaged at the time to be married. Anyhow, one of the girls lit up a joint, and yes... as hard as it was, I had to ask them to take it all outside. The girls were apologetic, the guys hated me.
I'm not in that band anymore, and while that incident wasn't the direct reason, the party aspect of that situation clearly wasn't where I belonged.
So... In the end, I didn't have a crazy drunken night that night, but I have a great relationship with the woman I'm married to, I'm still sober, still have my job, still have my health, and I'm looking forward to a 7 day cruise in Europe in July, along with a few days extra stay in Rome and Venice. Have 2 new groups I play with also, making more money, with people who aren't all about partying. I didn't have a good time that night in the hotel, actually felt like a loser and had the same range of pretty intense feelings as you. But that lasted about 3 hours. The payoff is lasting many years.
And while I know this isn't going to be helfpul, your husband doesn't sound like the nicest dude. A little support would be helpful, and it sounds like he's looking to make things as difficult as possible for you. I'd have a sincere talk with him or get into counseling. It's difficult enough to get sober when everyone is on your side. The situation you're in makes it a whole lot tougher. If he isn't going to be supportive, then I think you need to learn to steer clear of dangerous situations. Even if we get past them without drinking, the effects often carry into the following days and weeks.
Do what you need to do for you.