It's getting harder to abstain
Went to the bruins game with my husband and his friends yesterday. I was obviously the dd. everything was fine for the first half of the game. They kept going to the beer line nd coming back with 2 each. After the game they wanted to grab a few more so I Played along, not wanting to be Debbie downer.... A couple more turned into a 9 hour drinking binge that I quietly observed. I can't express the range of feelings that went through me yesterday. From sheer anger to anxiety, to animosity, angst and jealously. Jealous of those around me who were dressed nicer, who were you get and skinnier And drinking.
I spent my 20's drunk. I am so regretful of that and yet I long for those feelings again. The feeling of being careless and free. The wy I felt when I was drinking. I know hose feelings are not real. Those feelings Are my addiction lying to me to get me to give in. But I WANT to give in. I WANT to drink. I WANT that life back. I know it is not possible.
Feeling very very sad today....