Originally Posted by
Max10 
My husband has been involved in helping a young woman half his age for the last 3 weeks. It has negatively impacted our relationship ( in terms of him not having time + any energy for me +the family). He has taken her to AA and she reluctantly found a temp sponsor. He did not put any boundaries in place, despite my request to that effect. He says that there is nothing to their friendship( he is a friends of her father) and my discomfort and mistrust are my issues. I have been very upset, angry and sad because it feels like the "helping" has evolved into emotional infidelity. When we spoke this weekend, he agreed to not go to the same meetings(we live in a different town) however this evening he said he might go to these meetings. I said that we would have a major problem in our marraige if he goes to the same meetings, he sees it as me giving him an ultimatum. Either way I question why he would risk so much over somebody who he allegedly has no feelings for. Am I over reacting? Please: no husband bashing, just unemotional, honest feedback would be very much appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
I am sorry for bring up an old post - but I needed to talk to this issue. Last week one of my co-workers relapsed and reached out to me for help. Unlike your situation, I consulted my husband every step of the way and we decided since this man at work was also a friend of mine we would do everything we could to help him. He detoxed on our couch. I told him that if he was going to stay with us for any period of time what he needed to do. I took him to a meeting and he got phone numbers for men. Within the week, he was able to find somewhere else to stay.
I think I confused my husband because I thought we were having issues before my co-worker came into our house AND with him in our house and my need to make sure my marriage was strong - we increased our communication and have plans to stay courting each other...dating again.
As for the men should be with men and the women with the women - that would have killed me. I felt that I could not relate to women. I hated other women. Most of the people on my resentment list were women. If my first sponsor was not a man with a solid strong marriage I don't know if I could have gotten sober and stayed sober as long as I have. I have a woman sponsor today but as it was pointed out to me yesterday she is 73. She has been my sponsor for a year now and the idea of finding another woman to sponsor me is scary.
I have studied AA history and have not found any reference in the early days of this huge separation between the genders...a man carried this message to the first woman...other women have posted on here that they have men for sponsors...we are all alcoholics first and we are all trying to live life on life's terms...