Terri, i know this is tough because you are trying very hard, and commendably so, to approach things from a new perspective and break the cycle. that stuff ain't for wussies.
i think it might be helpful to realize the "30 day notice" thing isn't a conversation or a dialogue, it's a STATEMENT OF FACT. i'd go so far as to suggest putting it in writing...you have until May 19 to find other living arrangements. however if you continue to abuse and disrespect our home, our rules and our peace, we will ask you to leave immediately. or something to that effect.
you cannot control how SHE will react. or what she will think, or how that may impact the future of your "relationship" with her. you also don't have to take her constant calls during work or PRETEND it's all hunky dory when it is not.