Thanks, Wicked. I did delete. And I sat in meditation about this after talking with some of my Al Anon aunties...
I am not going to tell him about the additional party invitation and I am not going to spend more time thinking about him.
This whole thing today showed me how easily I am still distracted by thoughts of him and how I so easily get sucked back into my codependent ways.
I realized that I am particularly triggered around my husband and worrying about his feelings because it is reminding me of the pattern with my dad from when I was a kid and was worried about disappointing him.
It sounds easy enough to get over at the surface level, but this is one of my core wounding areas and it runs deep for sure.
I am afraid of losing my husband's pleasure and approval and I was afraid of losing my father's as well.
But I need to STOP making the men in my life more important than I am.
It's really robbing me of my serenity.
Honestly I feel so much better when I don't even think about my husband...
Blocks of time where i am focused on something else are such a relief and are so needed.
So I'm going to see if I can steer my mind back to the serenity prayer, or to the steps when I start thinking about him.
I want to think about things that are helpful for me and that feel good -- not him which makes me feel anxious and scared and helpless and a combination of other things.
Even in my responses here, I am going to see what it's like not to talk about my husband.
This is MY place for RECOVERY.
And I don't have to talk about him to recover.
I need to talk about myself and the program and the steps.
So that's where I'm at tonight.
Thank you for putting up with my flip flopping and rambling sharings.
It helps to talk things out here and hear opinions sometimes.
Even when sometimes I feel stupid for doing it and embarrassed by what comes out of me onto the screen.
xo