your thinking about what is healthy in and for a relationship is kinda skewed there, Crazed. you're talking enmeshment, where there are no boundaries, no buffers, total fusion. that you WANT to tell your now absent partner your sick secrets is VERY revealing.
i suggest the BEST way for you to understand the process of the 12 steps would be to do them yourself, in order, as written. otherwise it's like trying to speculate what it must feel like to jump out of a perfectly good airplane (with a parachute), or what a perfectly cooked steak tastes like....