it's helping me to re-read this thread...
Just today I got a call from a friend inviting my husband and me to a fancy dinner party downtown tomorrow tonight for some high level people in our community.
The wedding reception for the same people is tomorrow, but this is the pre-party for a much more exclusive group of people.
My husband knew about the main party on Saturday, but since I kicked him out last Friday and we aren't talking, I doubt he got his tux ordered and will be ready for Saturday night. So I have been planning on going to that event without him all week as mentioned earlier in this thread...
But getting invited to this Friday party has made me want to contact him.
I wanna say:
Let's just go to this party together on Friday night and then go back to not talking. OKAY!?
LOL
It feels like it would be so much easier for ME.
Not to have two back to back high-profile events that he just happens to not be able to attend?
One party. Okay.
Missing two? Ridiculous given the nature of these parties and who they are for.
As well as the fact that his only "obligation" is a part-time job at a retail store.
If it wasn't this situation of my having kicked him out and this came up, he could certainly get someone to cover his shift.
But now he's just going to be absent at both parties?
Plus, I'm the one who received the phone call for BOTH of us to attend and now I'm not even going to pass that invitation on to him so he could go if he wanted to?
That feels off.
Not to mention the fact that I miss him. A lot.
And he sent me a text today: i miss you
Which of course tugs at my heart strings...and simultaneously bothers me because he's been working with a sponsor who is going to take him through the steps and the first thing he decides to write me is "i miss you" which is still all about him?
I guess I'm secretly hoping that he'll work some steps and get in touch with me saying: something like:
"I get why you kicked me out. You don't want to have to wonder when I'm going to start using again. I can understand why you did that and I do have some stuff I need to figure out."
But nope.
That's not the message he sent. He sent: i miss you.
I wish when I got the invitation call that I would have asked her to call and invite my husband too --
But that wouldn't have made sense in context why I didn't/wouldn't just tell him myself.
Oh the layers of all of this!
It's like I make one positive step in the right direction and while it does give way to some serenity, it also gives way to a lot more confusion and angst too.
Main things on the table:
- It feels wrong for him not to even know that he's invited to this special party and that it's my fault that he won't know.
- I wish we could just put the not seeing each other and not talking on hold for a night so we can go enjoy and celebrate with our friends and connect a little bit.
I'm going to call my sponsor.
I think I know that I can not invite him to this party with me, but like I said, it feels off and unsettled within me.
Ack!