LD:
One thing about alcoholism is that no matter how bad you think it is, it can almost always get worse. The silver lining is that you have 100% control over how bad you let it go. Things don't sound good right now, but you do still have a choice and a chance to make things better. It will take a long time to repair the damage done to your body, mind and those around you but you CAN do it if you start now - like RIGHT NOW.
Have you considered assisted or inpatient detox? You may be better off having some supervision to get you over the initial hump.
Best of luck, and I truly hope you can make the choice to quit once and for all.