I have followed the journey of a 'new life' through AA. It is your choice. First I HAD to surrender...admit I had problem. Then I had to become willing to do whatever I could to become sober. It wasn't easy. I hit a bottom and I was afraid what was next. My ex-wife left me years ago, and should have been a sign. But my ego & pride wouldn't admit it. Now over 2 years sober, I am trying hard to claw back into a life. It hasn't been easy. All I can suggest is to make your move now before things get more 'unmanageable' . Maybe if you start to take the steps for a new life, your wife will realize your honest attempt and your family/marriage can be salvaged. I wish you the best. Try to make a plan & stick to it. You don't have to go it alone. And if she goes to Al-Anon & you try AA that could be the road back for you.