Dear BlueGal, I read between the lines that you are afraid of your husband---as in--he can be or, potentially, be violent. If this is true, this must be respected (for your safety), and you will need help from those with experience with domestic abuse.
It I am correct---please tell someone--Us on SR (if you feel safe to), tell your own therapist--or contact your local domestic violence organization for help.
sincerely, dandylion