(((Hugs))). My STBXAH was verbally abusive, only when drunk - ya know, because if he was drunk then I should give him a "pass" on it. Everything is/was my fault. . .period.
You know it is just manipulation, he knows he intimidates you. . .if you don't want to sit through that counseling anymore, then just don't. You actually may be surprised at how finding your voice and regaining a bit of your power could be eye-opening to your husband. In my situation, when I finally stood up for myself it knocked him on his butt. And I felt more confident than I had in years. I'm still in the whole euphoria/invincible stage - I am taking care of myself and my kids and I feel pretty awesome about that!
I like what was mentioned above - think of it as self-preservation. Stay strong! You can do it!