Restless, Irritable and Discontent.
Today has been a hard day, and for the first time since my binge (today is my 33rd day), I really felt like having a drink. Come the end of the working day (which was the absolute pits), I fantasied about stopping off on the way home for 3-4 stiff drinks. I have been angry all day inside, and having those intense conversations with myself that lead to nowhere, but only serve to get me even more riled up, frustrated and self piteous. It didn't come out of nowhere, I am highly stressed in my job and I could feel the bile rising over the last few days.
Fortunately I was able to summon up the memories of where alcohol took me as a result of my last binge. This cleared the mist somewhat and I knew that just had to get home. I also know that I need to do something during the evenings to reduce stress. However, I am so shattered in the evenings that I haven't the energy to do much, other than walk the dog (which I often resent having to do). I am also in the process of moving to a new flat (I have been asked to leave here as a result of my last binge), which I think has added to the feeling of tension.
Just glad to be able to share this on here as it does help. And this too shall pass.
Thanks.