You'll get there
I spent a lot of early recovery being REALLY down on myself. It took me reaching out to a dear family member to realize that she never stopped loving me, none of my family had.
From there, I had just a wee bit of hope. I stayed clean, I made new acquaintances but not really friends (or so I thought).
Now? I'm STILL friends with those in my early days and have made many more. I'm a shining beacon of recovery to my family and though I WAS the only one (on my mom's side of the family) with addiction issues, well, one of my cousins fell in that trap.
My aunt (the first one I reached out to and this cousin's grandmother) calls me because she knows I get it. She wants to know what I think. She told me "I just want her to have what you've found". Let me tell you, that is the ultimate compliment to me
I didn't get here overnight...I'm 6+ years in recovery, but have been that beacon of light for a few years. That's not what *I* think of myself, it's what they think of me.
Stay clean/sober, show it by your actions, reach out for support, be there for the people you care about....basically, work recovery.
FWIW, I'm not really the person I used to be - I have a lot of the same traits but I am FAR better than I ever was. I have a new appreciation of life and what is precious.
I've gotta say - a lot of what I've become is because of the great folks here. I was an addict and a codependent. Tackled both recoveries at the same time and darned if it didn't make a huge difference
Sorry for the long post, but I remember being where you are. I just want you to know what it looks like when you keep moving forward.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy