new, hopeful, nervous, anxious
Hi everyone. I'm a 29 year old man who is in sales. I'm an only child and always been a 'thrill-seeker'. Always looking for that rush, that high. I started using weed around the age of 16 and booze around 18. I didn't like booze at first, but the summer I turned 21 I spent the entire time in bars. I've battled with booze for eight years and I drink every night. I want to quit as it impacts my relationships with my girlfriends, friends, and family. I don't want to lose them for something stupid and preventable. I also have been abusing pain killers and I have been taking 50-120 mg of Vicodin per day for the past couple months. I'd like to cease all activity and focus on myself, I'm just afraid I don't have the will power to better my life. I feel like I'm lazy and incapable of getting my @$$ off the couch and doing something to better myself. I'm also nervous about finding hobbies. For a decade it's always been a formula: beers, pills, rage. I am nervous I can't go on with my evening hobbies without getting tanked first. At first I used booze as a social anxiety reliever, but I began to depend on it as time went on. I don't need it when I wake up in the morning, but if I'm having a bad day or I'm off work, I'm all over the booze. I know that I CAN do it, but it's just a matter of willpower, which I feel I have none. I considered asking for Antabuse just so I knew that if I drank, I'd be totally screwed- meaning I'd rather have that to lean on then my own willpower. I just don't want to ruin relationships because of my embarrassing dumbass behavior. Can anyone help me? Can I help myself?