mammacat,
When I decided to get help, I was ready to run as far and as fast as I could. But I didn't have the strength or the direction to run. Instead, I turned to Al-Anon, counselling, and this forum. Al-Anon suggested that I wait a year before making any major decisions. I figured, what is one more year going do? I'll give it a year and decide then if I still feel like leaving, or not.
I quit focussing on my marriage. Mr Magic and I were like to hurt animals living in the same house. He got really scared that I was going to leave. But instead, I healed, and grew. I found myself. I found serenity, strength, love, self esteem.
A year later, I was in a different place. I wasn't a victim of a screwed up marriage. I was a stronger person. I was responsible for my own happiness. I found that I could love without being sucked into fear, despair, and anger.
I decided not to leave. But even if I had looked at the situation, and decided I couldn't go on with it, that year gave me the strength and courage to do it in a healthy way. Not to escape, but to move on.
If you want a direction, try some Al-Anon meetings or counselling, like prodigal suggested. If you focus on your own recovery, the direction will come from within you. Hugs, Magic