You sound great!
It is hard to focus on ourselves after years of not doing so. Feels a little weird.
Had a funny experience with Mom this weekend. We talked about brother #3 and his late night text messages to me. She called later and we had this discussion:
Mom: "What he wants is money, right?"
Me: "I think so."
Mom: "Well I had this great idea!!! I will tell him that if he can write 10 positive things about his childhood I will give him money!!!"
Me: "You can't make him think by paying him, Mom."
Mom: "I guess you are right, but if he can come up with ten things..."
Me: "If I write 10 things that were good about my childhood can I have the money?"
She just laughed and said "I get the point."
I never minded that my parents direct so much effort toward the boys, it's just not in my makeup to think like that usually. But this weekend I did find myself thinking "What about me? They get rewarded for being messed up and I get... zip" It's not feeling I want to hold onto at all, but I think it was healthy to think about myself for a minute.