Originally Posted by
Jodie77 
There's a side to me that is very logical. And that logic part of my brain wants to figure out why he is acting this way. I know it's because he's on drugs but what does that really mean? Does it mean by using drugs his cortex is messed up and he can't make proper decisions, does it mean he can't feel emotion bc he is numbing it out, does it mean he is unaware of the things he's saying/doing. I need a doctor to explain to me why addicts at this way under the influence, how his brain is affected, so that I can better understand the behavior. It's the rational/logical side of me that is screaming for answers.
I totally understand where you're coming from, Jodie.....I've often felt the exact same way over the last 6 weeks. But what we have to understand is that yes, although OUR rational/logical side is screaming for answers, it's screaming for answers that it's never going to get because the behavior in question is coming from very IRRATIONAL and ILLOGICAL people - drug addicts. What everyone has said above is right....we will drive ourselves crackers, bananas and insane trying to figure out why they do the things they do. They couldn't even tell us themselves, and my XA said that exact thing to me. The last night I saw him, when he was screaming at me to get the f*ck out of his house, he said to me, "I couldn't even explain it to you if I wanted to." I didn't understand what he meant at the time, but now I do. He couldn't explain it because he's not even in control of his own thoughts or behaviors - the cocaine is.