Aqua, alcohol is a depressant and the continued cycle of drinking magnifies problems and perpetuates negative self-esteem. The biggest obstacle you are facing is that you will not be able to see or identify with this until you put down the bottle and give yourself some time to recover. This is where a leap of faith is required on your part. Believe what we are telling you, life does get better with continued abstinence. Reach out for support to get you through the physical detox, be it medically supervised or cold turkey if you are physically able to endure. I suggest that you honestly address your drinking with your doctor and take the course of action recommended. There are laws that protect you from termination when you are addressing addiction and recovery.
“…i can't leave because i need to help my family. I'm alone and isolated. I don't know what to do. My energy and emotions go up and down and i don't seem to be able to control it.”
You are at a point where if you don’t help yourself NOW, you will be of little or no help to your family if this pattern continues. Furthermore, the ups and downs of energy and emotions are directly related to the effects of alcohol, as is the feeling of being alone and isolated.
You are reaching out to people who have been where you are and completely understand. However, no one has the ability to get you sober; that is an action that you have to take. You will receive support and encouragement to help you on your journey, as the greatest gift to a recovering alcoholic is to witness the liberation of another as they embark upon their journey. Come on, Aqua, take that leap of faith!