I do not need to look far for cautionary tales on addiction being a family disease. My family of origin provides an example.
I grew up with an alcoholic father. My parents divorced when their children were 16, 14, and 10. We are now in our late forties and early fifties and STILL living with the repercussions of growing up in a dysfunctional home.
No true addiction problems (thankfully), but a lifetime of bad choices with money, careers, spouses, and friends; low self-esteem; depression; anxiety; constantly living in a crisis; isolation; inabilities to cope with our emotions; ... the list can go on and on! I'm the only one in therapy and recovery. Our extended family is truly non-existent at this point. I find it sad that my children are not growing up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. However, we are trying to create the healthiest immediate family that we can.
Even with 15 years of therapy and 5+ years of recovery under my belt I still struggle at times. Just reading about children being forced to spend time with their addicted parent can bring tears to my eyes because I can CLEARLY remember what those visits were like over thirty years later.
I want to stress the value of removing children from a dysfunctional home and creating a place where they can feel safe and loved. Also, it is so important that the non-addict parents gets the help that they need so that they don't continue to act out in codependent ways. My mom never got help and when my dad was no longer around her codependency shifted from him to her children. To this day she is still trying to control our lives. She constantly tells us what we should do and how we should feel. Removing the alcoholic doesn't automatically make a family "healthy".
I also think that the non-addict parent has an opportunity to show their children healthier ways to interact with addicts. Because the sad truth is that even though adults can cut an addict spouse out of their lives, the children usually have the addict in their life until the addict dies.
This was true with my father. For example, I had to learn to set boundaries and tell him that it was not okay to call me drunk in the middle of the night. I was in my mid-thirties when I got enough courage to say that!
Anyway, never truly know if posts from adult children are appropriate or appreciated in this section of the board. I think the healing/recovery one needs when married to an addict is somewhat different from the healing/recovery you need when you have an addict for a parent.
However, so many people married to addicts end up there because of having parents who are also addicts.
Protect your children. Protect yourself. Healing is possible.
I too am saying a prayer for everyone caught up in this awful cycle.
Fondly,
db