Aqua, if you don't feel comfortable getting outside help (though I agree with LadyinBC about this) then you can use resources on the internet as your main help. There is a lot of information here and you can participate in AA and SMART meetings online, there's the chatroom here and recovery methods such as AVRT which don't require outside help. I understand where your feelings come from as I felt very much the same, but don't let your fear of going to AA be your downfall, there are lots of other options x