Is it worth it?
I can't decide if he's worth fighting for. I've made my lists and its obvious that the bad majorly outweighs the good but I can't help feeling that I wasn't being fair with those lists. Is this the codie in me?
He doesn't get involved in the family matters and this really bothers me. He's never gone to a teacher confrence, but he did go to one of the plays and also attended my oldests 8th grade graduation. He took the kids to the park or for bike rides maybe a total of 5 times this year and maybe 4 times he played ball in the yard with them. Other than this he barely acknowledges them, unless of course they get loud and rowdy then he yells at them to stop. Once in awhile he's in a great mood and will have actual conversations with them, but thats maybe once or twice a month. We do go camping and other fun stuff in the summer but I'm the one who makes the plans and gets things ready. The kids don't seem to be bothered by all this, they would rather spend time with me anyway. If they don't care, should I stop caring about it?
Maybe twice a year he'll help with housework, but doing repairs around the house is like pulling teeth. We've had a leak in our garage roof for 3 years now, not to mention the paint job he started but never finsihed. Most things I try to do myself but after awhile I feel that why should I be the only one who cares. After a couple of days of feeling the "why should I care" anger I find myself kicking myself in the butt and saying "thats excatly why I should care, cause no one else does!"
He has cut back ALOT on his drinking since he got pulled over last month for a dui, but I can't help feeling that once he's court and other stuff are done he'll go back to drinking heavily, back to drinking a 12 pack a day. I've explained to him how verbally mean he can be and how his drinking makes me and the kids feel, but he had nothing to say. I expected him to tell me I was overreating like he usually does. In his mind he's not that bad. He's not physically abusive like his cousin, he doesn't get so drunk that he forgets where he lives like his mother does, he hasn't missed any work, he's a functioning alcoholic and I don't know how to get him to see that what he's doing is wrong and hurting his family.
Here is the kicker, we live with his father and all 3 of us work for the same company. The company we work for had bought a plot of land with a 5 bedroom house and a barn on it. They turned the barn into an office and we were suppose to move into the house next to it. At the last minute the boss decided to let my fil move in. What is he going to do with a 5 bedroom house all to himself? He said we could move in with him, and if it wasn't for the fact that I had to get my kids into a better school district I never would have done it. Not to mention the neighbor we use to live in was pretty rough, I was afraid to let my kids play outside of our small yard. So moving in with him seemed to be best for the kids. And it hasn't been all that bad, he's a good guy and not an alcoholic like hubby. But here are the 2 major problems I'm having, first whenever fil gets mad at hubby, I hear about it, if hubby messes up at work, I hear about it and when fil is upset he doesn't talk he yells, then says he wasn't yelling. I don't think he realizes what yelling means. How do I tell him that hubbys problems are not my problems and to leave me out of it? I'm afraid of hurting his feelings and besides everyone needs to vent sometimes right?
My second problem is if things don't go good between me and hubby, who should move out, me or him? My fil made it clear that he will not let my kids go back to their old schools, their doing so well now. He also has said he can't deal with the drinking either, he put up with it for 12 years with my mil.
I could move to an apartment complex the boss owns thats about 10 minutes from here and the kids could still go to the good schools, but finacially I would be strapped and I'd spend alot in gas taking the kids to and from 3 different schools. And on the other hand I could stay and hubby could leave but that just doesn't seem right to me. Right now I feel stuck. I also feel guilty for thinking about leaving when he's doing so good with his drinking. My head wants out, but my heart says to stick it out. Who do I listen to?