Aqua, listen to VenusCat. There is a way ahead, and you may have to take it on faith for now if your mind isn't working logically.
Stay with SR, post lots and read lots. Go into detail if you need to.
Your situation sounds really stressful. If you can get sober and clear headed you can start working your way out of your troubles.
Find out what support you can - and make sure in advance that whoever you speak to will keep it confidential. It is a clear breach of professional ethics for a psychologist or lawyer to break confidentiality.