The way you describe your feelings for him and what you are feeling now is very difficult to read because it reminds me of my own experiences.
I don't usually quote the bible, but this is worth quoting.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
There may be love between the two of you, but I believe what is driving you to madness is something other than love. What caused him to start a relationship with you that didn't have a foundation of honesty is not love. Love does not hurt. It does not make you feel like you'll die without it. It doesn't make you stop taking care of your basic needs, like the need to work so that you can eat. Love is not putting one's life on hold waiting for someone else to overcome their weaknesses. For me, true romantic Love is finding a partner and equal.
I am so sorry you are hurting. I am also sorry that it took me so many years to change my own perspective about love.