Thank you for the kind kind words. I find it so hard to actually detach myself....i keep texting him and tellling him my feelings over and over again which i know its a wrong move on my part. He said he needs the space and time to be alone. He doesnt want to drag me down with him because he believes that would be selfish and unfair. I find it so hard to go even 1 day without sending him a text......i just dont want him 2 think i have forgotten about him and that yes im still here for you.....I think hes hoping that by just detaching from me that our "romance" will eventually die out and ill "forget". He will reply things like "You deserve so much better, im nothing special you will see when u move on one day"......and it makes me so fustrated because i know he is someone special. Hes the person i fell in love with, no other person can make me smile and laugh the way he does. We have spoken numerous amounts of time about our future together......but i know he wasnt ready to "Move in" and get a place together; hence the check he wrote from a closed bank account the day we went to sign a lease for a townhouse which never happened because the check returned and landlord nulled our lease agreement......I do know he loves me deep down buried beneath all his issues and his disease......its just hard to walk away knowing we would still be together if his addiction never existed.....
im literally shattered to pieces...every day is an obstacle for me. I went to my first NAR ANON meeting last night around 7 and it helped a little....i tried to talk but i choked with tears.....im going again tomorrow night to another one.....I have nobody here....and the 1 friend i do have is a crazy party animal who doesnt care to understand. Im trying my best to get thru this but its so extremely hard when my heart is in this.....
