Evey, I am old and you are young, but I remember the pain of thinking that I will die if the love I have for someone is not returned. I didn't die, I hurt for a long time and I pined for what might have been, but I didn't die. In the end, the person I pined for was a deadbeat dad and lousy husband to someone else...lucky me, I made it past him to the man I have been married to for 43 years and who is still the love of my life.
The soul mate life you seek for yourself will come too...but not likely with an active addict.
Try some meetings, as was suggested. You have nothing to lose and absolutely everything to gain. You will heal and become healthy, and healthy attracts healthy, whereas sick attracts sick. It will help you find happiness and joy in your heart again, I promise, and that will bring you to wonderful new beginnings...I promise that too. I promise and the program of recovery promises, so you can bank on both of us to tell you the truth.
Hugs