It's a terrible feeling knowing that no matter how many times I catch him in the act, he lies through his teeth and says its not true- that he's stopped, that I'm just overreacting and all of that.
Oh Lily, this reminds me so much how my son was. No matter how many times I "caught" him...the lies continued on and on. I would request an early cell phone bill, so I could "catch" him in a lie. I would make notes and test him later. I would follow him when he didn't know I was there and drive through bad neighbourhoods just to see if he was there. I was the Dick Tracy of codie detectives.
One day it ocurred to me...I KNEW he was an active addict, why did I expect things to be different just because I found "proof". The real proof was in how he acted all the time, how he lied and stole and made up stories of where he had been.
It's like catching someone robbing a bank with a gun...and they say they just found the gun on the floor and picked it up with some note next to it. We KNEW they were robbing the bank when they walked in with a mask and a gun...further proof was not required.
What I finally learned was that all this detective work was making ME sick. It didn't change him but it made my stomach whirl and my hands shake and my head hurt.
So I stopped. He continued using, but I stopped the entrapment and instead found myself a meeting for me, about me, and to help me. That was my turning point. That was when I learned to take better care of me and heal.
Sometimes we are so drawn by their lies and drama that we forget to take care of ourselves. We become as sick as they are. But it doesn't have to be that way. There is hope, there is help for us. We just need to reach out and find it.
Hugs