frstrtdGF

Hi there. I'm new to the site, but not new to living with an alcoholic. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for the last 7 years, always when off because of his drinking. We are both madly in love with each other and cant stay away no matter what we do because when things are good, they're amazing. Unfortunately though, he always finds an excuse to start drinking again and whatever the reason, its always my fault. Granted, I'm nowhere near perfect, but I feel like we can't begin to deal with our other problems until the alcoholism is dealt with because its the root of the other issues.

As I type this, I am 35 weeks pregnant with my second child, his first. He claims and loves my first daughter as is own, and actually gets upset when I admit otherwise. When he's sober, he is a wonderful father and significant other, but when he's not, we fight all the time. The things he says to me are deliberately hateful and hurtful and prey on every insecure thought and negative emotion I posses. He threatens to take our children from me and destroy my car and pushes every button I have. The last time we fought I was so angry from what he said I actually slapped him. I dont want to be like that and it just seems like the problem is getting worse. I had hoped that being a father again would wake him up a little since he had only a 2% chance of conceiving his own biological child. He always picks fights in front of my daughter and wont let me walk away when I try.

As I said, I love this man with all my heart and am happy to be carrying his child, but dont know how to deal with his alcoholism. Everything I've read tells me that I need to wait for him to want to quit and that I cant make him, so am I expected to raise two children on my own in the meantime? Is keeping them from their father really the best course of action? Or am I risking something terrible happening to them by staying? He's never been physically abusive but I know from experience that verbal abuse and constant parental fighting can be just as bad if not worse to children.

I've decided that since the new addition means change anyway, that I'm going to do everything I can to improve my family's situation. I'll be going to college this coming semester (which also means moving), something I've been wanting for a long time, but I cant do that without him supporting me until October when the refund check comes in. He's fully willing to do that and backs me 100%, but I'm still worried the drinking is going to make it hard for him to get and keep a job. I've always been the one making the money and making sure the bills are paid so this is very frightening for me.

So that's my life right now, and any help or advice towards bettering it is much appreciated. Sorry about the length but getting it out feels good.