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I am working with a therapist so a lot of this "junk" (as I refer to it) is discussed. Working through past hurts, fear, guilt and all the stuff that come with those and other feelings is a process. But not drinking ever again? HAH! No matter what happens, that is a fact and it is awesomeness.
I just started therapy and started offloading my junk too. The one thing that is propelling me forward is the awesomeness and strength "not drinking ever again and not changing my mind" has given me. It has given me hope for a better future and a cleaner mind to get myself there. Not painless, but truley awesome. It's something I had no idea existed 11 months ago.