Dear leighr, you can see, by now, that this is a marathon. Honestly, they are like little children who keep "begging" in the assumption that if they can outlast us--we will change our minds. If we ever caved on boundries in the past--they have every reason to believe that we will again.
It takes all of us a long developmental time to become mature enough to handle o ur own responsibilities. For those who missed the boat in that area--it takes a l ong time of dealing with the "real" world--even after they stop drinking. More like several years--if at all.
You h ave made good strides--to your credit--but, I can "hear" your own uncertainty in your post. If I pick up on it--I am sure that there is a great liklihood that your h usband and daughter are also picking up on it!!
sincerely, dandylion